Joyce's Ulysses Concordance

18. Penelope

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[30607][ 18 ]

[30608]

[30609]Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his

[30610]breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he

[30611]used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness

[30612]to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he

[30613]thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for

[30614]masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid

[30615]to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she

[30616]had too much old chat in her about politics and earthquakes and the end

[30617]of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help the world if all

[30618]the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course

[30619]nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was pious because no man

[30620]would look at her twice I hope Ill never be like her a wonder she didnt

[30621]want us to cover our faces but she was a welleducated woman certainly

[30622]and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose

[30623]he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my fur and always

[30624]edging to get up under my petticoats especially then still I like that

[30625]in him polite to old women like that and waiters and beggars too hes

[30626]not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got anything really

[30627]serious the matter with him its much better for them to go into a

[30628]hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it

[30629]into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing

[30630]on the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun

[30631]maybe like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes

[30632]because theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman

[30633]to get well if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that

[30634]dyinglooking one off the south circular when he sprained his foot at

[30635]the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress

[30636]Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at the

[30637]bottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with

[30638]her old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to

[30639]never see thy face again though he looked more like a man with his beard

[30640]a bit grown in the bed father was the same besides I hate bandaging and

[30641]dosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed

[30642]get bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I was sick then wed see what

[30643]attention only of course the woman hides it not to give all the trouble

[30644]they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by his appetite anyway love its

[30645]not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one of those

[30646]night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he

[30647]made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did I

[30648]meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see

[30649]that big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with a

[30650]young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when he slinked

[30651]out looking quite conscious what harm but he had the impudence to make

[30652]up to me one time well done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of

[30653]all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a solicitor only for

[30654]I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its some

[30655]little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the

[30656]sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before

[30657]yesterday he was scribbling something a letter when I came into the

[30658]front room to show him Dignams death in the paper as if something told

[30659]me and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking

[30660]about business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinks

[30661]she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age

[30662]especially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money she

[30663]can out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my

[30664]bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it with

[30665]or knew before that way though Id like to find out so long as I dont

[30666]have the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut that Mary

[30667]we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad

[30668]enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once or twice

[30669]I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the

[30670]long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen

[30671]pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was

[30672]all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could

[30673]eat at our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my

[30674]house stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see

[30675]her aunt if you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had

[30676]something on with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he

[30677]said you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of

[30678]oysters but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to

[30679]be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I

[30680]found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a little

[30681]bit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her her

[30682]weeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do out the

[30683]rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt

[30684]I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even

[30685]touch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven

[30686]like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place in

[30687]the W C too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt

[30688]possibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere and the last

[30689]time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand a

[30690]great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there steals another

[30691]I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze back

[30692]singing the young May moon shes beaming love because he has an idea

[30693]about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to

[30694]the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case

[30695]God knows hes a change in a way not to be always and ever wearing the

[30696]same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do

[30697]it myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with

[30698]him if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make him turn

[30699]red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that down

[30700]on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour

[30701]question and answer would you do this that and the other with the

[30702]coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean

[30703]or bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was

[30704]knitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and

[30705]so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging

[30706]him making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are

[30707]you thinking of who is it tell me his name who tell me who the german

[30708]Emperor is it yes imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying to

[30709]make a whore of me what he never will he ought to give it up now at this

[30710]age of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it

[30711]pretending to like it till he comes and then finish it off myself anyway

[30712]and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with

[30713]all the talk of the world about it people make its only the first time

[30714]after that its just the ordinary do it and think no more about it why

[30715]cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimes

[30716]love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help

[30717]yourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes there

[30718]and kiss me in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to

[30719]your soul almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used

[30720]to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did

[30721]where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your

[30722]person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was

[30723]it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and

[30724]have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you whatever

[30725]way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real father

[30726]what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had

[30727]a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither

[30728]would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know

[30729]me in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed

[30730]never turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre

[30731]lost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone

[30732]them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of

[30733]incense off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if

[30734]youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H

[30735]H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I

[30736]didnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall

[30737]though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking

[30738]of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in

[30739]it who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of

[30740]drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they stick

[30741]their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking green

[30742]and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the

[30743]opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American that

[30744]had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do to

[30745]keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the

[30746]port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely

[30747]and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped

[30748]straight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us

[30749]I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I

[30750]blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in

[30751]Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come and

[30752]tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing

[30753]about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that

[30754]evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought

[30755]its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church

[30756]mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey

[30757]matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit the

[30758]lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red

[30759]brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever the dickens they

[30760]call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I took

[30761]off all my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and

[30762]perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar

[30763]standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen he

[30764]was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had

[30765]one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole

[30766]sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the

[30767]middle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all

[30768]they want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had

[30769]to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk in

[30770]him when I made him pull out and do it on me considering how big it is

[30771]so much the better in case any of it wasnt washed out properly the last

[30772]time I let him finish it in me nice invention they made for women for

[30773]him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch of it

[30774]themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would

[30775]believe cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing

[30776]out of your whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year

[30777]as regular as the clock always with a smell of children off her the one

[30778]they called budgers or something like a nigger with a shock of hair on

[30779]it Jesusjack the child is a black the last time I was there a squad of

[30780]them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your ears

[30781]supposed to be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out like

[30782]elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked having another not off

[30783]him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a fine strong child

[30784]but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jolly

[30785]I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about

[30786]me and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll

[30787]do him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene

[30788]he was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons

[30789]housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account

[30790]of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup

[30791]row over politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a

[30792]carpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive about

[30793]everything I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I knew

[30794]he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he annoyed me

[30795]so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixedup

[30796]things especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to study

[30797]up that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I could

[30798]always hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch him

[30799]after that I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because he

[30800]used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going

[30801]to and I said over to Floey and he made me the present of Byrons poems

[30802]and the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily

[30803]get him to make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got in

[30804]with her again and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if he

[30805]refused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the

[30806]collar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out 1

[30807]kiss then would send them all spinning however alright well see then let

[30808]him go to her she of course would only be too delighted to pretend shes

[30809]mad in love with him that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and

[30810]ask her do you love him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool

[30811]me but he might imagine he was and make a declaration to her with his

[30812]plabbery kind of a manner like he did to me though I had the devils own

[30813]job to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he could

[30814]hold in and wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of asking

[30815]me too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theres

[30816]something I want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was

[30817]in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let

[30818]out too much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let

[30819]him know more than was good for him she used to be always embracing me

[30820]Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over and

[30821]when I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did

[30822]you wash possible the women are always egging on to that putting it on

[30823]thick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on

[30824]the indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is what

[30825]spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very handsome at

[30826]that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked though he

[30827]was too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged

[30828]afterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits of

[30829]laughing with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins falling

[30830]out one after another with the mass of hair I had youre always in great

[30831]humour she said yes because it grigged her because she knew what it

[30832]meant because I used to tell her a good bit of what went on between us

[30833]not all but just enough to make her mouth water but that wasnt my fault

[30834]she didnt darken the door much after we were married I wonder what shes

[30835]got like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her

[30836]face beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her she

[30837]must have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment she

[30838]was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk about him

[30839]to run him down what was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to

[30840]go to bed with his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him just imagine

[30841]having to get into bed with a thing like that that might murder you

[30842]any moment what a man well its not the one way everyone goes mad Poldy

[30843]anyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the mat when he comes

[30844]in wet or shine and always blacks his own boots too and he always takes

[30845]off his hat when he comes up in the street like then and now hes going

[30846]about in his slippers to look for £ 10000 for a postcard U p up O

[30847]sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff to

[30848]extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what

[30849]could you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over than marry

[30850]another of their sex of course hed never find another woman like me to

[30851]put up with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes and he knows

[30852]that too at the bottom of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned

[30853]her husband for what I wonder in love with some other man yes it was

[30854]found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and do a thing

[30855]like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad

[30856]and always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry them

[30857]for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get on

[30858]without us white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I

[30859]wonder why they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greek

[30860]leave us as wise as we were before she must have been madly in love with

[30861]the other fellow to run the chance of being hanged O she didnt care if

[30862]that was her nature what could she do besides theyre not brutes enough

[30863]to go and hang a woman surely are they

[30864]

[30865]theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he

[30866]noticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C

[30867]with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both

[30868]ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his

[30869]two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it was

[30870]what do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breeches

[30871]he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting all

[30872]myself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one I

[30873]did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got after

[30874]some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish times

[30875]lost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs

[30876]Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the turning

[30877]door he was looking when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 days

[30878]after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him because I was

[30879]crossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoes

[30880]that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that if I only had a

[30881]ring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one

[30882]and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still I made him spend

[30883]once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold

[30884]and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire

[30885]wasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on the

[30886]hearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it was my muddy boots

[30887]hed like me to walk in all the horses dung I could find but of course

[30888]hes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did he say I

[30889]could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does that

[30890]mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition

[30891]just passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so

[30892]polite I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I was

[30893]tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell DArcy too that he used to

[30894]make fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after

[30895]I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me

[30896]straight on the brow and part which is my brown part he was pretty hot

[30897]for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was always raving about if

[30898]you can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then he

[30899]said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I dont see

[30900]anything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that some day not now

[30901]and surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him the very place

[30902]too we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks nothing

[30903]can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till we

[30904]were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did he was

[30905]10 times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off

[30906]my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed

[30907]me in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questions

[30908]is it permitted to enquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him keep it

[30909]as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket

[30910]of course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seen

[30911]always skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with their

[30912]skirts blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out with

[30913]him at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing right

[30914]against the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw me

[30915]from behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however

[30916]standing at the corner of the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on

[30917]him with the muffler in the Zingari colours to show off his complexion

[30918]and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual what was he doing there

[30919]where hed no business they can go and get whatever they like from

[30920]anything at all with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions but

[30921]they want to know where were you where are you going I could feel him

[30922]coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had been keeping

[30923]away from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I

[30924]halfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my

[30925]glove slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for

[30926]the rain anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers

[30927]the whole blessed time till I promised to give him the pair off my doll

[30928]to carry about in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did look

[30929]a big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me

[30930]hungry to look at them and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat

[30931]I had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneel

[30932]down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his new

[30933]raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so

[30934]savage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched

[30935]his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand

[30936]to keep him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find

[30937]out was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want

[30938]to do everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father

[30939]waiting all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in

[30940]the butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me

[30941]that letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to any

[30942]woman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we met

[30943]asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw I

[30944]wasnt he had a few brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he was

[30945]always breaking or tearing something in the charades I hate an unlucky

[30946]man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake

[30947]dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course

[30948]it used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in

[30949]Gibraltar with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children

[30950]seeing it too young then writing every morning a letter sometimes twice

[30951]a day I liked the way he made love then he knew the way to take a woman

[30952]when he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrote

[30953]the night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it

[30954]simply it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how to

[30955]embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on Monday as he said at the

[30956]same time four I hate people who come at all hours answer the door you

[30957]think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all undressed or

[30958]the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old frostyface

[30959]Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just after

[30960]dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me

[30961]professor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in his

[30962]way it was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you

[30963]have to peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought

[30964]it was a putoff first him sending the port and the peaches first and I

[30965]was just beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was trying to make a

[30966]fool of me when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he must have been

[30967]a bit late because it was 1/4 after 3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus girls

[30968]coming from school I never know the time even that watch he gave me

[30969]never seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after when I threw

[30970]the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I was

[30971]whistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even put on my

[30972]clean shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to go

[30973]to Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary

[30974]the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotel

[30975]were beside each other and any fooling went on in the new bed I couldnt

[30976]tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next room or perhaps

[30977]some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the wall then hed

[30978]never believe the next day we didnt do something its all very well a

[30979]husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never did

[30980]anything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going where

[30981]he is besides something always happens with him the time going to the

[30982]Mallow concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of

[30983]us then the bell rang out he walks down the platform with the soup

[30984]splashing about taking spoonfuls of it hadnt he the nerve and the waiter

[30985]after him making a holy show of us screeching and confusion for the

[30986]engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two gentlemen

[30987]in the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was too hes so

[30988]pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job he was

[30989]able to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd have taken us on

[30990]to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him O I love jaunting

[30991]in a train or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he take

[30992]a 1st class for me he might want to do it in the train by tipping the

[30993]guard well O I suppose therell be the usual idiots of men gaping at

[30994]us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can possibly be that was an

[30995]exceptional man that common workman that left us alone in the carriage

[30996]that day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him 1 or 2

[30997]tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer

[30998]then coming back suppose I never came back what would they say eloped

[30999]with him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at where

[31000]its over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little

[31001]chits of missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like

[31002]on account of father being in the army and my singing the absentminded

[31003]beggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts when I had the map of it

[31004]all and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it this time I wouldnt

[31005]put it past him like he got me on to sing in the Stabat Mater by going

[31006]around saying he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put him up to

[31007]that till the jesuits found out he was a freemason thumping the piano

[31008]lead Thou me on copied from some old opera yes and he was going about

[31009]with some of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they call themselves

[31010]talking his usual trash and nonsense he says that little man he showed

[31011]me without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffiths is he

[31012]well he doesnt look it thats all I can say still it must have been him

[31013]he knew there was a boycott I hate the mention of their politics after

[31014]the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut

[31015]Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovely

[31016]fellow in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure he was brave

[31017]too he said I was lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lock

[31018]my Irish beauty he was pale with excitement about going away or wed be

[31019]seen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I never

[31020]felt they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul

[31021]and the rest of the other old Krugers go and fight it out between them

[31022]instead of dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there were

[31023]with their fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been so

[31024]bad I love to see a regiment pass in review the first time I saw the

[31025]Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the bay

[31026]from Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those sham

[31027]battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the

[31028]march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the lancers O the

[31029]lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made his

[31030]money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a

[31031]nice present up in Belfast after what I gave him theyve lovely linen up

[31032]there or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like I

[31033]had before to keep in the drawer with them it would be exciting going

[31034]round with him shopping buying those things in a new city better leave

[31035]this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over the

[31036]knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers or

[31037]tell the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go and

[31038]smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money and hes

[31039]not a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could find

[31040]out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I looked

[31041]close in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression

[31042]besides scrooching down on me like that all the time with his big

[31043]hipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat always having

[31044]to lie down for them better for him put it into me from behind the way

[31045]Mrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the dogs do it and

[31046]stick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild

[31047]with his tingating cither can you ever be up to men the way it takes

[31048]them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and socks

[31049]with the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly welloff I know by the

[31050]cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but he was like a perfect devil

[31051]for a few minutes after he came back with the stoppress tearing up the

[31052]tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20 quid he said he lost over

[31053]that outsider that won and half he put on for me on account of Lenehans

[31054]tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was making free

[31055]with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult over the

[31056]featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with his dirty

[31057]eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessert when I

[31058]was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have picked every

[31059]morsel of that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned

[31060]and as tender as anything only for I didnt want to eat everything on my

[31061]plate those forks and fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I wish I

[31062]had some I could easily have slipped a couple into my muff when I

[31063]was playing with them then always hanging out of them for money in a

[31064]restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have to be thankful

[31065]for our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be noticed the

[31066]way the world is divided in any case if its going to go on I want at

[31067]least two other good chemises for one thing and but I dont know what

[31068]kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes and half

[31069]the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them

[31070]that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt make much secret of what

[31071]she hadnt yes and the second pair of silkette stockings is laddered

[31072]after one days wear I could have brought them back to Lewers this

[31073]morning and kicked up a row and made that one change them only not to

[31074]upset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the whole

[31075]thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in

[31076]the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have

[31077]but thats no good what did they say they give a delightful figure line

[31078]11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to

[31079]reduce flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill have to knock off the

[31080]stout at dinner or am I getting too fond of it the last they sent from

[31081]ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his money easy Larry they

[31082]call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a

[31083]bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get

[31084]anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth or

[31085]I must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any good

[31086]might overdo it the thin ones are not so much the fashion now garters

[31087]that much I have the violet pair I wore today thats all he bought me

[31088]out of the cheque he got on the first O no there was the face lotion

[31089]I finished the last of yesterday that made my skin like new I told him

[31090]over and over again get that made up in the same place and dont forget

[31091]it God only knows whether he did after all I said to him Ill know by

[31092]the bottle anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to wash in my piss like

[31093]beeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought

[31094]it was beginning to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much

[31095]finer where it peeled off there on my finger after the burn its a pity

[31096]it isnt all like that and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all

[31097]sure you cant get on in this world without style all going in food and

[31098]rent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell you in fine style I always

[31099]want to throw a handful of tea into the pot measuring and mincing if I

[31100]buy a pair of old brogues itself do you like those new shoes yes were

[31101]they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume and the skirt and jacket

[31102]and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up this

[31103]old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you and women try

[31104]to walk on you because they know youve no man then with all the things

[31105]getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I have of life up to 35

[31106]no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in September will I what O well look at

[31107]that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her when I was out last

[31108]week her beautys on the wane she was a lovely woman magnificent head of

[31109]hair on her down to her waist tossing it back like that like Kitty OShea

[31110]in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morning to look across see her

[31111]combing it as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only got to

[31112]know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the

[31113]prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going

[31114]the roads only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a

[31115]black mans Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some

[31116]funny story about the jealous old husband what was it at all and an

[31117]oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her

[31118]and the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing

[31119]like that like some of those books he brings me the works of Master

[31120]Francois Somebody supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her

[31121]ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word for any priest to write

[31122]and her a—e as if any fool wouldnt know what that meant I hate that

[31123]pretending of all things with that old blackguards face on him anybody

[31124]can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that

[31125]twice I remember when I came to page 50 the part about where she hangs

[31126]him up out of a hook with a cord flagellate sure theres nothing for a

[31127]woman in that all invention made up about he drinking the champagne out

[31128]of her slipper after the ball was over like the infant Jesus in the

[31129]crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have

[31130]a child that big taken out of her and I thought first it came out of her

[31131]side because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and she

[31132]a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R H he was in Gibraltar the

[31133]year I was born I bet he found lilies there too where he planted the

[31134]tree he planted more than that in his time he might have planted me

[31135]too if hed come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to

[31136]chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of it and

[31137]go into an office or something where hed get regular pay or a bank where

[31138]they could put him up on a throne to count the money all the day of

[31139]course he prefers plottering about the house so you cant stir with him

[31140]any side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like

[31141]father to get the smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for

[31142]advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for

[31143]what he did then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him

[31144]promoted there to be the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice

[31145]first he was as stiff as the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I

[31146]felt rotten simply with the old rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out

[31147]of the tails with no cut in it but theyre coming into fashion again I

[31148]bought it simply to please him I knew it was no good by the finish pity

[31149]I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns as I said and not Lees it

[31150]was just like the shop itself rummage sale a lot of trash I hate those

[31151]rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he

[31152]thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and cooking mathering

[31153]everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I went by his advices

[31154]every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that thats alright

[31155]the one like a weddingcake standing up miles off my head he said suited

[31156]me or the dishcover one coming down on my backside on pins and needles

[31157]about the shopgirl in that place in Grafton street I had the misfortune

[31158]to bring him into and she as insolent as ever she could be with her

[31159]smirk saying Im afraid were giving you too much trouble what shes there

[31160]for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder

[31161]but he changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like

[31162]the soup but I could see him looking very hard at my chest when he stood

[31163]up to open the door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any case

[31164]Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked the

[31165]first time after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife

[31166]I just half smiled I know my chest was out that way at the door when he

[31167]said Im extremely sorry and Im sure you were

[31168]

[31169]yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he

[31170]made me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow

[31171]stiff the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep that up

[31172]and Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him

[31173]what are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2 the same

[31174]in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there

[31175]like those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide it with

[31176]her hand are they so beautiful of course compared with what a man looks

[31177]like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down out of

[31178]him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with a

[31179]cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market or

[31180]that other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the statue

[31181]of the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was pissing

[31182]standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one side the

[31183]Queens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved them

[31184]theyre always trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed

[31185]outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to

[31186]try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was 1 of the

[31187]7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night

[31188]coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade

[31189]to make you feel nice and watery I went into 1 of them it was so biting

[31190]cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was

[31191]a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see

[31192]me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of

[31193]it before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not

[31194]afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of something there the

[31195]woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for a

[31196]picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the

[31197]job in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee

[31198]palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes only

[31199]shes younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photo

[31200]he has nymphs used they go about like that I asked him about her and

[31201]that word met something with hoses in it and he came out with some

[31202]jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simply

[31203]the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out of

[31204]the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of his

[31205]teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out arent

[31206]they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with Milly

[31207]enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a

[31208]pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate

[31209]looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly

[31210]caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to

[31211]my face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till he

[31212]got doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get him

[31213]to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker than

[31214]cows then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond everything I

[31215]declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only could remember

[31216]the one half of the things and write a book out of it the works of

[31217]Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an hour he was

[31218]at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me

[31219]they want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out

[31220]of a woman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished

[31221]he was here or somebody to let myself go with and come again like that I

[31222]feel all fire inside me or if I could dream it when he made me spend

[31223]the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about 5

[31224]minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him after O Lord I wanted to

[31225]shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all only not

[31226]to look ugly or those lines from the strain who knows the way hed take

[31227]it you want to feel your way with a man theyre not all like him thank

[31228]God some of them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the contrast

[31229]he does it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit

[31230]loose from the tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the

[31231]savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant

[31232]wait till Monday

[31233]

[31234]frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines

[31235]have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of

[31236]them all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men

[31237]that have to be out all the night from their wives and families in those

[31238]roasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half of

[31239]those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying about

[31240]hes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in the W C

[31241]I’ll get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there

[31242]for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres

[31243]last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of

[31244]the hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and

[31245]refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get like

[31246]Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter came on black

[31247]as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant

[31248]compared with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with the red

[31249]sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and the smell

[31250]of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering

[31251]down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent

[31252]me from the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote

[31253]on it she was very nice whats this her other name was just a p c to tell

[31254]you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel

[31255]a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give

[31256]anything to be back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid

[31257]Concone is the name of those exercises he bought me one of those new

[31258]some word I couldnt make out shawls amusing things but tear for the

[31259]least thing still there lovely I think dont you will always think of

[31260]the lovely teas we had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry

[31261]wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina be sure and write soon kind

[31262]she left out regards to your father also Captain Grove with love yrs

[31263]affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit married just like a girl he

[31264]was years older than her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held

[31265]down the wire with his foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La

[31266]Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we

[31267]have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney

[31268]hill then for example at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a

[31269]blessed thing in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why

[31270]I was afraid when that other ferocious old Bull began to charge the

[31271]banderilleros with the sashes and the 2 things in their hats and the

[31272]brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were as bad in their

[31273]nice white mantillas ripping all the whole insides out of those poor

[31274]horses I never heard of such a thing in all my life yes he used to break

[31275]his heart at me taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and

[31276]it sick what became of them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2 of

[31277]them its like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones

[31278]of course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to

[31279]compare our hair mine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle

[31280]it at the back when I put it up and whats this else how to make a knot

[31281]on a thread with the one hand we were like cousins what age was I then

[31282]the night of the storm I slept in her bed she had her arms round me then

[31283]we were fighting in the morning with the pillow what fun he was watching

[31284]me whenever he got an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade

[31285]when I was with father and Captain Grove I looked up at the church first

[31286]and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I felt something go

[31287]through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I

[31288]looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he

[31289]was attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent

[31290]looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in

[31291]the shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and the

[31292]excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been

[31293]nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me

[31294]the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East

[31295]Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by

[31296]that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as he

[31297]see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave me

[31298]by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a Molly

[31299]in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whore

[31300]always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it

[31301]O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one decent

[31302]nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his

[31303]fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift

[31304]drenched with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair

[31305]when I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa

[31306]cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons of them at night

[31307]and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago it seems

[31308]centuries of course they never came back and she didnt put her address

[31309]right on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were always

[31310]going away and we never I remember that day with the waves and the

[31311]boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those Officers

[31312]uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything he was

[31313]very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing

[31314]she kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near

[31315]it my lips were taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap

[31316]of some special kind of blue colour on her for the voyage made very

[31317]peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it got as dull

[31318]as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run away mad out

[31319]of it somewhere were never easy where we are father or aunt or marriage

[31320]waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed

[31321]his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over the shop

[31322]especially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in all

[31323]directions if you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grant

[31324]whoever he was or did supposed to be some great fellow landed off the

[31325]ship and old Sprague the consul that was there from before the flood

[31326]dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son then the same old

[31327]bugles for reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunate

[31328]poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the place

[31329]more than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites

[31330]assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and

[31331]the warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and

[31332]only captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and

[31333]sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for

[31334]them everytime they went out drunken old devil with his grog on the

[31335]windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his nose trying to think

[31336]of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot

[31337]himself when I was there sending me out of the room on some blind excuse

[31338]paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed

[31339]do the same to the next woman that came along I suppose he died of

[31340]galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a letter from a living

[31341]soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them so

[31342]bored sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to that old Arab

[31343]with the one eye and his heass of an instrument singing his heah heah

[31344]aheah all my compriment on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now

[31345]with the hands hanging off me looking out of the window if there was a

[31346]nice fellow even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street the

[31347]nurse was after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window to show

[31348]I was going out not a notion what I meant arent they thick never

[31349]understand what you say even youd want to print it up on a big poster

[31350]for them not even if you shake hands twice with the left he didnt

[31351]recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside Westland row

[31352]chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to know

[31353]grey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask me those country

[31354]gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less than

[31355]the bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell that

[31356]noisy bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his

[31357]hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken

[31358]bottles for a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his

[31359]cheques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him

[31360]addressed dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly this

[31361]morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter from

[31362]O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to write from Canada after so many

[31363]years to know the recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since

[31364]she wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if Im to

[31365]believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her father was an

[31366]awfully nice man he was near seventy always goodhumoured well now Miss

[31367]Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was a solid silver

[31368]coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far

[31369]away I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybody

[31370]has their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute

[31371]neumonia well I didnt know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend

[31372]more than mine poor Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tells

[31373]me the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your sad

[31374]bereavement symph?athy I always make that mistake and new?phew with 2

[31375]double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its

[31376]a thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebody

[31377]to give me what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve no

[31378]chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody

[31379]would write me a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write

[31380]what he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women

[31381]believe love is sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered

[31382]be some truth in it true or no it fills up your whole day and life

[31383]always something to think about every moment and see it all round you

[31384]like a new world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me

[31385]short just a few words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used

[31386]to write to the fellow that was something in the four courts that jilted

[31387]her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a

[31388]few simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipat

[31389]precipitancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to

[31390]a gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its

[31391]all very fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old

[31392]they might as well throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit.

[31393]

[31394]Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio

[31395]brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her

[31396]to hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin

[31397]to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her

[31398]in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her

[31399]appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles

[31400]with all her religion domineering because she never could get over the

[31401]Atlantic fleet coming in half the ships of the world and the Union Jack

[31402]flying with all her carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took

[31403]all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass often enough in

[31404]Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there was

[31405]a marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black blessed

[31406]virgin with the silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter

[31407]Sunday morning and when the priest was going by with the bell bringing

[31408]the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his Majestad an admirer

[31409]he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him up when

[31410]I saw him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window then

[31411]he tipped me just in passing but I never thought hed write making an

[31412]appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up

[31413]in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill instructing to

[31414]find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing I remember

[31415]shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock to

[31416]near the time he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my

[31417]sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what kissing meant till

[31418]he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put my

[31419]knee up to him a few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was

[31420]engaged for for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de

[31421]la Flora and he believed me that I was to be married to him in 3 years

[31422]time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a flower that

[31423]bloometh a few things I told him true about myself just for him to be

[31424]imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt

[31425]have him I got him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he

[31426]brought me he couldnt count the pesetas and the perragordas till I

[31427]taught him Cappoquin he came from he said on the black water but it was

[31428]too short then the day before he left May yes it was May when the infant

[31429]king of Spain was born Im always like that in the spring Id like a new

[31430]fellow every year up on the tiptop under the rockgun near OHaras tower

[31431]I told him it was struck by lightning and all about the old Barbary apes

[31432]they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show on each

[31433]others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock scorpion robbing

[31434]the chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went anear

[31435]he was looking at me I had that white blouse on open in the front to

[31436]encourage him as much as I could without too openly they were just

[31437]beginning to be plump I said I was tired we lay over the firtree cove

[31438]a wild place I suppose it must be the highest rock in existence the

[31439]galleries and casemates and those frightful rocks and Saint Michaels

[31440]cave with the icicles or whatever they call them hanging down and

[31441]ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the way down the

[31442]monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far like

[31443]chips that was the Malta boat passing yes the sea and the sky you could

[31444]do what you liked lie there for ever he caressed them outside they love

[31445]doing that its the roundness there I was leaning over him with my white

[31446]ricestraw hat to take the newness out of it the left side of my face the

[31447]best my blouse open for his last day transparent kind of shirt he had I

[31448]could see his chest pink he wanted to touch mine with his for a moment

[31449]but I wouldnt let him he was awfully put out first for fear you never

[31450]know consumption or leave me with a child embarazada that old servant

[31451]Ines told me that one drop even if it got into you at all after I tried

[31452]with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and get lost up in me

[31453]somewhere because they once took something down out of a woman that was

[31454]up there for years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to get in there

[31455]where they come out of youd think they could never go far enough up and

[31456]then theyre done with you in a way till the next time yes because theres

[31457]a wonderful feeling there so tender all the time how did we finish it

[31458]off yes O yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to

[31459]be excited but I opened my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my

[31460]petticoat because I had a skirt opening up the side I tormented the

[31461]life out of him first tickling him I loved rousing that dog in the hotel

[31462]rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was

[31463]shy all the same I liked him like that moaning I made him blush a little

[31464]when I got over him that way when I unbuttoned him and took his out and

[31465]drew back the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all Buttons men

[31466]down the middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me

[31467]what was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant

[31468]he was rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to

[31469]the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said

[31470]hed come back Lord its just like yesterday to me and if I was married

[31471]hed do it to me and I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block me

[31472]now flying perhaps hes dead or killed or a captain or admiral its nearly

[31473]20 years if I said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and

[31474]put his hands over my eyes to guess who I might recognise him hes young

[31475]still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on the black water and is

[31476]quite changed they all do they havent half the character a woman has she

[31477]little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever dreamt

[31478]of her in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might

[31479]say they could have put an article about it in the Chronicle I was a bit

[31480]wild after when I blew out the old bag the biscuits were in from Benady

[31481]Bros and exploded it Lord what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons

[31482]screaming coming back the same way that we went over middle hill round

[31483]by the old guardhouse and the jews burialplace pretending to read out

[31484]the Hebrew on them I wanted to fire his pistol he said he hadnt one he

[31485]didnt know what to make of me with his peak cap on that he always wore

[31486]crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat

[31487]that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long preach about womans

[31488]higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak

[31489]caps and the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me more money I

[31490]suppose theyre called after him I never thought that would be my

[31491]name Bloom when I used to write it in print to see how it looked on a

[31492]visiting card or practising for the butcher and oblige M Bloom youre

[31493]looking blooming Josie used to say after I married him well its better

[31494]than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names with bottom in them

[31495]Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I wouldnt go mad

[31496]about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother whoever she

[31497]was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the lovely

[31498]one she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along Williss road to

[31499]Europa point twisting in and out all round the other side of Jersey they

[31500]were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little ones now

[31501]when she runs up the stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping

[31502]up at the pepper trees and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and

[31503]throwing them at him he went to India he was to write the voyages those

[31504]men have to make to the ends of the world and back its the least they

[31505]might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can going out to be

[31506]drowned or blown up somewhere I went up Windmill hill to the flats

[31507]that Sunday morning with captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the

[31508]sentry had he said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock

[31509]from the B Marche paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I

[31510]could see over to Morocco almost the bay of Tangier white and the Atlas

[31511]mountain with snow on it and the straits like a river so clear Harry

[31512]Molly darling I was thinking of him on the sea all the time after at

[31513]mass when my petticoat began to slip down at the elevation weeks and

[31514]weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the smell of him there

[31515]was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only that cheap peau

[31516]dEspagne that faded and left a stink on you more than anything else I

[31517]wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for

[31518]luck that I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed

[31519]him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same as

[31520]if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl still it must

[31521]have been pure 18 carrot gold because it was very heavy but what could

[31522]you get in a place like that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that

[31523]derelict ship that came up to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit

[31524]no he hadnt a moustache that was Gardner yes I can see his face

[31525]cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone

[31526]once in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips

[31527]forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began

[31528]I hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out

[31529]full when I get in front of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney

[31530]and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of

[31531]sparrowfarts skitting around talking about politics they know as much

[31532]about as my backside anything in the world to make themselves someway

[31533]interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose

[31534]are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you

[31535]were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got

[31536]a chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the

[31537]bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help their

[31538]poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all

[31539]know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no

[31540]man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that and not think of

[31541]it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all father

[31542]left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow

[31543]he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of those cads he

[31544]wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a husband

[31545]first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they

[31546]can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he wants

[31547]like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the

[31548]voice either I could have been a prima donna only I married him comes

[31549]looooves old deep down chin back not too much make it double My Ladys

[31550]Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange at twilight and

[31551]vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the south that he gave

[31552]after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my black dress

[31553]to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that big fan mended make

[31554]them burst with envy my hole is itching me always when I think of him I

[31555]feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him have

[31556]him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly

[31557]and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed

[31558]sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even

[31559]to let a fart God or do the least thing better yes hold them like that

[31560]a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres that train far away

[31561]pianissimo eeeee one more song

[31562]

[31563]that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if

[31564]that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the

[31565]heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in

[31566]the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill

[31567]my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all

[31568]night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see

[31569]why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter its

[31570]more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was

[31571]only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes

[31572]dressing her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those

[31573]mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with

[31574]the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing

[31575]about in it then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite

[31576]used to be there the whole time watching with the lights out in the

[31577]summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love myself then

[31578]stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came to the

[31579]chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were 2 of us

[31580]goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to get in

[31581]with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again coming

[31582]in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the manners

[31583]not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night squandering

[31584]money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he

[31585]starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot

[31586]buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like the king of

[31587]the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his egg

[31588]wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling up the

[31589]stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play

[31590]with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has she

[31591]fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their

[31592]claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like that when

[31593]she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always

[31594]what a robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought I think Ill get

[31595]a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with some

[31596]blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb pots of

[31597]mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle Williams and Woods

[31598]goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes Ill get

[31599]a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting anyway Im

[31600]sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg

[31601]beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very name is

[31602]enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let him pay it

[31603]and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drove out to the

[31604]furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses

[31605]toenails first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there

[31606]yes with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses

[31607]down at the bottom of the banks there on purpose but its as hot as

[31608]blazes he says not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann

[31609]coalboxes out for the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that

[31610]bee bit him better the seaside but Id never again in this life get into

[31611]a boat with him after him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row

[31612]if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say

[31613]yes then it came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the

[31614]weight all down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the

[31615]left and the tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his

[31616]oar slipping out of the stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can

[31617]swim of course me no theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in

[31618]his flannel trousers Id like to have tattered them down off him before

[31619]all the people and give him what that one calls flagellate till he was

[31620]black and blue do him all the good in the world only for that longnosed

[31621]chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty Burke out of the City

[31622]Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the slip always where he

[31623]wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a better face there was no

[31624]love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder what kind is that book

[31625]he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other Mr de

[31626]Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with his

[31627]tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new white shoes

[31628]all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that feather all

[31629]blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the smell of

[31630]the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan bay

[31631]round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens

[31632]baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa and the tall

[31633]old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to climb up to to

[31634]get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I dont like

[31635]being alone in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill have

[31636]to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved

[31637]in the confusion musical academy he was going to make on the first floor

[31638]drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go

[31639]and ruin himself altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like

[31640]all the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw

[31641]through him telling me all the lovely places we could go for the

[31642]honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the gondolas and the lake of Como he

[31643]had a picture cut out of some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O

[31644]how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to do immediately if

[31645]not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he ought to get a

[31646]leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving

[31647]us here all day youd never know what old beggar at the door for a crust

[31648]with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to

[31649]prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he

[31650]was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in jail then he comes out and

[31651]murders an old woman for her money imagine his poor wife or mother or

[31652]whoever she is such a face youd run miles away from I couldnt rest easy

[31653]till I bolted all the doors and windows to make sure but its worse again

[31654]being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all shot

[31655]or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor

[31656]old woman to murder her in her bed Id cut them off him so I would not

[31657]that hed be much use still better than nothing the night I was sure

[31658]I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt with a

[31659]candle and a poker as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet

[31660]frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possibly could

[31661]for the burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows

[31662]still its the feeling especially now with Milly away such an idea for

[31663]him to send the girl down there to learn to take photographs on account

[31664]of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed

[31665]have to learn not like me getting all at school only hed do a thing like

[31666]that all the same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im

[31667]certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round

[31668]with her in the place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the

[31669]fidgets coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against

[31670]the door just as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on

[31671]your nerves then doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with

[31672]two at a time to look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that

[31673]little gimcrack statue with her roughness and carelessness before she

[31674]left that I got that little Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the

[31675]join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course

[31676]shes right not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to her

[31677]lately at the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to

[31678]understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he

[31679]cant say I pretend things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact and

[31680]helping her into her coat but if there was anything wrong with her its

[31681]me shed tell not him I suppose he thinks Im finished out and laid on

[31682]the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well see well see now shes

[31683]well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons imitating me whistling

[31684]with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly come out

[31685]please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her round in

[31686]Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he sent

[31687]her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on the

[31688]skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it

[31689]off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed

[31690]on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you

[31691]only I oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and

[31692]the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter

[31693]what they say her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your blouse is

[31694]open too low she says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and

[31695]I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on show on the

[31696]windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like me

[31697]when I was her age of course any old rag looks well on you then a great

[31698]touchmenot too in her own way at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take

[31699]your foot away out of that I hate people touching me afraid of her life

[31700]Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of that touching must go on in

[31701]theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always trying to wiggle up to

[31702]you that fellow in the pit at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the

[31703]last time Ill ever go there to be squashed like that for any Trilby or

[31704]her barebum every two minutes tipping me there and looking away hes a

[31705]bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near two stylishdressed

[31706]ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I recognised him

[31707]on the moment the face and everything but he didnt remember me yes and

[31708]she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I

[31709]hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she

[31710]was down with the mumps and her glands swollen wheres this and wheres

[31711]that of course she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly

[31712]till I was what 22 or so it went into the wrong place always only the

[31713]usual girls nonsense and giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in

[31714]white ink on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when

[31715]the curtain came down because he looked so handsome then we had Martin

[31716]Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to myself afterwards

[31717]it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that way for

[31718]nothing I suppose there are a few men like that left its hard to believe

[31719]in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them with

[31720]not a particle of love in their natures to find two people like that

[31721]nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way as you do

[31722]theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been a bit

[31723]queer to go and poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose

[31724]he felt lost shes always making love to my things too the few old rags

[31725]I have wanting to put her hair up at 15 my powder too only ruin her

[31726]skin on her shes time enough for that all her life after of course shes

[31727]restless knowing shes pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay

[31728]that way I was too but theres no use going to the fair with the thing

[31729]answering me like a fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of

[31730]potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she

[31731]pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent

[31732]grand enough till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for

[31733]herself take that now for answering me like that and that for your

[31734]impudence she had me that exasperated of course contradicting I was

[31735]badtempered too because how was it there was a weed in the tea or I

[31736]didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her over and

[31737]over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has nobody

[31738]to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her faith

[31739]I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just like

[31740]that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of course

[31741]having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago

[31742]am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed

[31743]see him coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they

[31744]a nuisance that old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her

[31745]putting the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots

[31746]well of course shes old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten

[31747]old smelly dishcloth that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was

[31748]something and opened the area window to let out the smell bringing in

[31749]his friends to entertain them like the night he walked home with a dog

[31750]if you please that might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son his

[31751]father such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat on him at

[31752]the cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at

[31753]the other and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won them

[31754]in the intermediate imagine climbing over the railings if anybody saw

[31755]him that knew us I wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his grand funeral

[31756]trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for anybody hawking him

[31757]down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his head I ask pity

[31758]it wasnt washing day my old pair of drawers might have been hanging up

[31759]too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the ironmould

[31760]mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was something

[31761]else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now shes

[31762]going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse

[31763]theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under

[31764]an operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to

[31765]hunt around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing

[31766]on sweet God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I

[31767]suppose Ill have some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O

[31768]Jesus wait yes that thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict

[31769]you of course all the poking and rooting and ploughing he had up in me

[31770]now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul

[31771]out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows theres always

[31772]something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction

[31773]isnt it simply sickening that night it came on me like that the one and

[31774]only time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal

[31775]and her husband at the Gaiety something he did about insurance for him

[31776]in Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that

[31777]gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the

[31778]other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I suppose

[31779]millions of years ago I smiled the best I could all in a swamp leaning

[31780]forward as if I was interested having to sit it out then to the last tag

[31781]I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play

[31782]about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he

[31783]shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running round

[31784]all the back ways after to make up for it I wish he had what I had then

[31785]hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off than us have we too much

[31786]blood up in us or what O patience above its pouring out of me like the

[31787]sea anyhow he didnt make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin

[31788]the clean sheets I just put on I suppose the clean linen I wore brought

[31789]it on too damn it damn it and they always want to see a stain on the

[31790]bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling them theyre such

[31791]fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a daub of red

[31792]ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me up

[31793]out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for women

[31794]what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too

[31795]jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the

[31796]other side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor

[31797]with the pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think

[31798]it is easy I think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I

[31799]might look like a young girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next

[31800]time he turned up my clothes on me Id give anything to see his face

[31801]wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me

[31802]after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee I

[31803]made him sit on the easychair purposely when I took off only my blouse

[31804]and skirt first in the other room he was so busy where he oughtnt to be

[31805]he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits

[31806]easy God I remember one time I could scout it out straight whistling

[31807]like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for

[31808]a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to perfume it in the morning

[31809]dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs than that look

[31810]how white they are the smoothest place is right there between this bit

[31811]here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and get

[31812]up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey lily

[31813]easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore

[31814]

[31815]who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I

[31816]something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was

[31817]it last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the

[31818]doctor only it would be like before I married him when I had that white

[31819]thing coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr

[31820]Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I

[31821]suppose thats how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round

[31822]those rich ones off Stephens green running up to him for every little

[31823]fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course so

[31824]theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in

[31825]the world besides theres something queer about their children always

[31826]smelling around those filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did

[31827]had an offensive odour what did he want me to do but the one thing gold

[31828]maybe what a question if I smathered it all over his wrinkly old face

[31829]for him with all my compriments I suppose hed know then and could you

[31830]pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking about the rock of

[31831]Gibraltar the way he put it thats a very nice invention too by the

[31832]way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I can

[31833]squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles

[31834]still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys

[31835]when she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same

[31836]paying him for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking

[31837]me had I frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all the words

[31838]they have omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I

[31839]wouldnt trust him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else

[31840]still I liked him when he sat down to write the thing out frowning so

[31841]severe his nose intelligent like that you be damned you lying strap O

[31842]anything no matter who except an idiot he was clever enough to spot

[31843]that of course that was all thinking of him and his mad crazy letters

[31844]my Precious one everything connected with your glorious Body everything

[31845]underlined that comes from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever

[31846]something he got out of some nonsensical book that he had me always at

[31847]myself 4 and 5 times a day sometimes and I said I hadnt are you sure

[31848]O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him up I knew what was

[31849]coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I dont know how

[31850]the first night ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth terrace we

[31851]stood staring at one another for about 10 minutes as if we met somewhere

[31852]I suppose on account of my being jewess looking after my mother he used

[31853]to amuse me the things he said with the half sloothering smile on him

[31854]and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a member of Parliament

[31855]O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather about home rule

[31856]and the land league sending me that long strool of a song out of the

[31857]Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la Touraine

[31858]that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion

[31859]and persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he

[31860]as a great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton

[31861]square running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to

[31862]wash it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the

[31863]gelatine still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day I better

[31864]not make an alnight sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a

[31865]natural size so that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to

[31866]do it I suppose there isnt in all creation another man with the habits

[31867]he has look at the way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he

[31868]without a hard bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out

[31869]all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god

[31870]he took me to show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all

[31871]yellow in a pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes

[31872]sticking out that he said was a bigger religion than the jews and

[31873]Our Lords both put together all over Asia imitating him as hes always

[31874]imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed

[31875]too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn this stinking

[31876]thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope the old

[31877]press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good time

[31878]somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of

[31879]course he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope

[31880]theyll have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves

[31881]up God help us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly

[31882]bed always reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it

[31883]often enough and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used

[31884]to admire when I was a little girl because I told him easy piano O

[31885]I like my bed God here we are as bad as ever after 16 years how many

[31886]houses were we in at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard

[31887]street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every time were on

[31888]the run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help the

[31889]men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse

[31890]and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always

[31891]somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after them

[31892]always know who was in there last every time were just getting on right

[31893]something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr

[31894]Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison over his old

[31895]lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and gives

[31896]impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the

[31897]Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the

[31898]freemasons then well see if the little man he showed me dribbling

[31899]along in the wet all by himself round by Coadys lane will give him much

[31900]consolation that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed

[31901]judging by the sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait theres

[31902]Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour wait two oclock well

[31903]thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming home at to anybody

[31904]climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock him off that

[31905]little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill see if

[31906]he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I

[31907]dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies

[31908]then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you

[31909]then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece

[31910]he brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life

[31911]without some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more

[31912]with those rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the

[31913]kind of villainy theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in

[31914]their empty heads they ought to get slow poison the half of them then

[31915]tea and toast for him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose

[31916]Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one

[31917]night man man tyrant as ever for the one thing he slept on the floor

[31918]half the night naked the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged

[31919]to them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to be

[31920]petted so I thought I stood out enough for one time and let him he does

[31921]it all wrong too thinking only of his own pleasure his tongue is too

[31922]flat or I dont know what he forgets that wethen I dont Ill make him do

[31923]it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock him down to sleep in the

[31924]coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it her Josie off her head

[31925]with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed never have the courage

[31926]with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan though as for her

[31927]Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt call

[31928]him a husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even when I was

[31929]with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the childs

[31930]bonnet on the top of his nob let us into by the back way he was throwing

[31931]his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried to

[31932]wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this

[31933]is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the

[31934]grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers

[31935]funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse

[31936]walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little

[31937]barrelly man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk

[31938]in some place or other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and

[31939]Fanny MCoys husband white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in

[31940]her eye trying to sing my songs shed want to be born all over again and

[31941]her old green dress with the lowneck as she cant attract them any other

[31942]way like dabbling on a rainy day I see it all now plainly and they call

[31943]that friendship killing and then burying one another and they all with

[31944]their wives and families at home more especially Jack Power keeping that

[31945]barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or going to be sick

[31946]or just getting better of it and hes a goodlooking man still though

[31947]hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of them well

[31948]theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches if I can

[31949]help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he goes

[31950]on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every

[31951]penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his wife and

[31952]family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a

[31953]way for him what are his wife and 5 children going to do unless he was

[31954]insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some pub corner and

[31955]her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows

[31956]weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if

[31957]youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at the Glencree dinner

[31958]and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail

[31959]to sing out of in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and

[31960]grinning all over his big Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs botty

[31961]didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been a

[31962]spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the preserved seats for

[31963]that to see him trotting off in his trowlers and Simon Dedalus too he

[31964]was always turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the

[31965]old love is the new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the

[31966]hawthorn bough he was always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana

[31967]with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had a delicious glorious

[31968]voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not

[31969]like Bartell DArcy sweet tart goodbye of course he had the gift of the

[31970]voice so there was no art in it all over you like a warm showerbath O

[31971]Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though it was a bit too high

[31972]for my register even transposed and he was married at the time to May

[31973]Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good out of it

[31974]hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an author

[31975]and going to be a university professor of Italian and Im to take lessons

[31976]what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I

[31977]ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion

[31978]still I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it

[31979]altogether and me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the

[31980]Kingsbridge station with his father and mother I was in mourning thats

[31981]11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though what was the good in going into

[31982]mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other the first cry was

[31983]enough for me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the wall of course

[31984]he insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by

[31985]this time he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his

[31986]lord Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I

[31987]saw him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember they all do wait by

[31988]God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this morning when I laid

[31989]out the deck union with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met

[31990]before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either

[31991]besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th card after

[31992]that the 10 of spades for a journey by land then there was a letter on

[31993]its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise

[31994]in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look

[31995]at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about

[31996]poetry in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or

[31997]standing up like a red Indian what do they go about like that for only

[31998]getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry

[31999]when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like lord Byron and not

[32000]an ounce of it in his composition I thought he was quite different I

[32001]wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15

[32002]yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose

[32003]hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not

[32004]that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting

[32005]down in the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of

[32006]course he pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was

[32007]out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I hope hes not

[32008]a professor like Goodwin was he was a potent professor of John Jameson

[32009]they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont

[32010]find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where

[32011]poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully

[32012]coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point

[32013]the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I ever go back

[32014]there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that

[32015]for him theyre my eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly

[32016]bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves young star

[32017]itll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to talk

[32018]to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad

[32019]and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in their

[32020]business we have to suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id like to

[32021]meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides hes young those

[32022]fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace from the

[32023]side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or something

[32024]and then plunging into the sea with them why arent all men like that

[32025]thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely little statue he

[32026]bought I could look at him all day long curly head and his shoulders

[32027]his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for you

[32028]I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock

[32029]there so simple I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was

[32030]looking as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and white he looks

[32031]with his boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of it went

[32032]down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed

[32033]be so clean compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of

[32034]washing it from 1 years end to the other the most of them only thats

[32035]what gives the women the moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I can only

[32036]get in with a handsome young poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st thing

[32037]in the morning till I see if the wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing

[32038]the lady herself and see if he comes out Ill read and study all I can

[32039]find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew who he likes so he wont think

[32040]me stupid if he thinks all women are the same and I can teach him the

[32041]other part Ill make him feel all over him till he half faints under

[32042]me then hell write about me lover and mistress publicly too with our 2

[32043]photographs in all the papers when he becomes famous O but then what am

[32044]I going to do about him though

[32045]

[32046]no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no

[32047]nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because

[32048]I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a

[32049]cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place

[32050]pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so

[32051]barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar

[32052]way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a

[32053]butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course

[32054]hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might

[32055]as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something

[32056]better to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because

[32057]they were so plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist

[32058]they excite myself sometimes its well for men all the amount of pleasure

[32059]they get off a womans body were so round and white for them always I

[32060]wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that thing they

[32061]have swelling up on you so hard and at the same time so soft when you

[32062]touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys saying

[32063]passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy

[32064]because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me

[32065]blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long

[32066]into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle

[32067]in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they

[32068]please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different

[32069]tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be

[32070]always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear

[32071]once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands jealousy why cant we

[32072]all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it

[32073]out what they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it

[32074]hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other

[32075]mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even

[32076]casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants

[32077]and he gets her what else were we given all those desires for Id like to

[32078]know I cant help it if Im young still can I its a wonder Im not an old

[32079]shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold never embracing

[32080]me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I

[32081]suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at

[32082]him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any

[32083]kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever

[32084]Id do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough

[32085]I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss

[32086]our halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked

[32087]ideas but me still of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day

[32088]almost to make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love

[32089]or loved by somebody if the fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the

[32090]Lord God I was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark

[32091]evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be

[32092]hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate

[32093]somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their

[32094]camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if

[32095]they could I only sent mine there a few times for the name model

[32096]laundry sending me back over and over some old ones odd stockings that

[32097]blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me

[32098]in the dark and ride me up against the wall without a word or a murderer

[32099]anybody what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats

[32100]that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the

[32101]night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing

[32102]match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and

[32103]the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see there was

[32104]a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes

[32105]home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are

[32106]rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for

[32107]the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so

[32108]well he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if

[32109]he knew how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to

[32110]sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for

[32111]Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around

[32112]down in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled

[32113]up like a mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like

[32114]to see myself at it show them attention and they treat you like dirt

[32115]I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for the world to be

[32116]governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one

[32117]another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around drunk

[32118]like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses

[32119]yes because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they

[32120]wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they dont know what it is to

[32121]be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all of them be

[32122]if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had thats

[32123]why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from his books

[32124]and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I

[32125]suppose well its a poor case that those that have a fine son like that

[32126]theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my

[32127]fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind

[32128]in the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I

[32129]suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I

[32130]knitted crying as I was but give it to some poor child but I knew well

[32131]Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never the same

[32132]since O Im not going to think myself into the glooms about that any

[32133]more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was

[32134]somebody strange he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting

[32135]God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt

[32136]like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its a

[32137]lovely hour so silent I used to love coming home after dances the air of

[32138]the night they have friends they can talk to weve none either he wants

[32139]what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick her knife in you I

[32140]hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a

[32141]dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us

[32142]so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa

[32143]in the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young

[32144]hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah

[32145]what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz

[32146]Delagracia they had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of

[32147]Santa Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las

[32148]Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a

[32149]name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like

[32150]her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and

[32151]Rodgers ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small

[32152]blame to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I

[32153]dont feel a day older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round

[32154]any of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent

[32155]forgotten it all I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the

[32156]name of any person place or thing pity I never tried to read that novel

[32157]cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions in it all

[32158]upside down the two ways I always knew wed go away in the end I can

[32159]tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not

[32160]so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead

[32161]tired and wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his

[32162]breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on

[32163]the knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the

[32164]watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the

[32165]kitchen he might like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines

[32166]I could do the criada the room looks all right since I changed it the

[32167]other way you see something was telling me all the time Id have to

[32168]introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his

[32169]wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods

[32170]notion where he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things

[32171]come into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us

[32172]why not theres the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room

[32173]he could do his writing and studies at the table in there for all the

[32174]scribbling he does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning

[32175]like me as hes making the breakfast for 1 he can make it for 2 Im sure

[32176]Im not going to take in lodgers off the street for him if he takes

[32177]a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have a long talk with an

[32178]intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice pair of red

[32179]slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a

[32180]nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom

[32181]dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill

[32182]just give him one more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick of

[32183]Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all

[32184]the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of

[32185]splendid fruits all coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st

[32186]man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used

[32187]to say they are and the night too that was her massgoing Id love a

[32188]big juicy pear now to melt in your mouth like when I used to be in the

[32189]longing way then Ill throw him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup

[32190]she gave him to make his mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream

[32191]too I know what Ill do Ill go about rather gay not too much singing a

[32192]bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to

[32193]go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let

[32194]him have a good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill

[32195]let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is fucked yes and

[32196]damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times

[32197]handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt

[32198]bother to even iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe

[32199]me feel my belly unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a

[32200]mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve

[32201]him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in

[32202]the gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in

[32203]this vale of tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they

[32204]hide it I suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or

[32205]He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he

[32206]wants to kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out

[32207]in his face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole

[32208]as hes there my brown part then Ill tell him I want £ 1 or perhaps 30/-

[32209]Ill tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he

[32210]wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him like other women

[32211]do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write his

[32212]name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it up

[32213]besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided he

[32214]doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped Ill do

[32215]the indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when hes like

[32216]that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten my

[32217]bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or

[32218]the first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait

[32219]now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it O

[32220]but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know

[32221]which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have

[32222]to wear the old things so much the better itll be more pointed hell

[32223]never know whether he did it or not there thats good enough for you

[32224]any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me just like a business his

[32225]omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up at the ceiling where is

[32226]she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an

[32227]unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out

[32228]their pigtails for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus

[32229]theyve nobody coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two

[32230]for his night office or the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering

[32231]the brains out of itself let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what

[32232]kind of flowers are those they invented like the stars the wallpaper

[32233]in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave me was like that

[32234]something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and try again

[32235]so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and

[32236]get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he

[32237]brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first

[32238]I want to do the place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im

[32239]asleep then we can have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I

[32240]must clean the keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear

[32241]a white rose or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich

[32242]big shop at 7 1/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and

[32243]the pinky sugar 11d a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle

[32244]of the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long

[32245]ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in roses God

[32246]of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and

[32247]the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats and

[32248]wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that

[32249]would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts

[32250]of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches

[32251]primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I

[32252]wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why dont

[32253]they go and create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they

[32254]call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they

[32255]go howling for the priest and they dying and why why because theyre

[32256]afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know them

[32257]well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody

[32258]that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you

[32259]are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun

[32260]shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on

[32261]Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to

[32262]propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth

[32263]and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long

[32264]kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain

[32265]yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he

[32266]said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I

[32267]liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew

[32268]I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could

[32269]leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldnt answer first

[32270]only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many

[32271]things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and

[32272]old captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop

[32273]and washing up dishes they called it on the pier and the sentry in front

[32274]of the governors house with the thing round his white helmet poor devil

[32275]half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls and their

[32276]tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and

[32277]the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and

[32278]Duke street and the fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharons

[32279]and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague fellows in the

[32280]cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of the carts

[32281]of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those

[32282]handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit

[32283]down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of the

[32284]posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron

[32285]and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the night we

[32286]missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his

[32287]lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson

[32288]sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the

[32289]Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and the pink

[32290]and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and

[32291]geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower

[32292]of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian

[32293]girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the

[32294]Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked

[32295]him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to

[32296]say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and

[32297]drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his

[32298]heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

[32299]

[32300]Trieste-Zurich-Paris

[32301]

[32302]1914-1921

[32303]

[32304]

[32305]

[32306]

[32307]

[32308]

[32309]

[32310]

Joyce's Ulysses Concordance

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18. Penelope